Hey, come in! Make yourself at home.

I’m happy you decided to drop by today. Just so you know, we have a few house rules around here…don’t worry, nothing crazy. Let me tell you about them


01. The Three Second rule

Nope, it’s not what you’re thinking. In our house, the three second rule belongs to the cats. If you leave your seat for more than three seconds, a cat will appear and sit on it. You snooze you lose.

If you try to put something on your seat so that a cat won’t sit there, the cat will just sit on whatever you put there. You won’t win. Sorry ’bout that.

02. The Netflix rule

Okay, so, there’re a bunch of people over tonight and we’re going through the painful process of deciding what to watch. The Netflix rule is that if you say the name of a show or film, that’s the one we’re watching. No arguments, no takebacksies. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t actually want to watch it, it’s too late. Netflix rule. Yes, we do have to watch Spiceworld followed by Sharknado. You only have yourself to blame.

03. The Door rule

If there’s a cat standing by the front door, you need to open it and let them in/out. Don’t worry, they will yell loudly if they can’t see you and they want a door to open.

04. The Help Yourself rule

The house is usually full of people, and we really prefer everyone to help themselves to whatever they need. Because we’re lazy. So just grab cutlery, plates, glasses, food, drink, whatever you need.

05. The USB rule

I’m not anal about much (at least in my own head), but USB cables are one of the few things that shouldn’t be messed with. We have two Towers of Power, by the sofa and the dining table, and you’re welcome to plug in whatever you like. The towers also have USB plugs with multiple sockets, and USB cables aleady plugged into some of them. Use them, don’t move them. Yes I have guest USB cables, BECAUSE I’M A GOOD HOST, OKAY?

06. The Don’t Wear Nice Things, Unless They’re White rule

Everything you own will be covered in white fur, because Halo.

White male privilege. #cat #floof #fluffy #pet #catsofinstagram #catsofig #meow #meow🐱

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07. The Arrive Hungry rule

We will feed you. We will cure your hang.

Oscars party ready! #oscars #oscarsbingo #oscars2017 #party #celebrating #celebrate #celebrations

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08. The Books Are Available For Borrowing rule

We have books on most topics. Cooking meat, gypsy dressmaker biographies, crime novels, 9/11 non-fiction, Derrida, self-help, British classics, game walkthroughs. Borrow whatever you like.

09. The Bring Your Own Drinks rule

You don’t HAVE to bring drinks, but we super mega appreciate it when you do because we don’t have a car and bottles are heavy. Also, we don’t drink tea or coffee, so if you don’t bring your own and one of our friends hasn’t stocked up for us, you’re shit out of luck.

10. The It’s Never Too Late rule

It’s never too late to have fun. So yeah we will start a film or board game at 11pm at a weekend. We might binge on some kind of entertainment for 6+ hours straight and then continue it the next day. No pressure, you can drop in and out of various activities as you like. Or start your own. If you just want to sit on your phone or laptop for ten hours straight, we’re cool with that too. No pressure

So, with that said, decide what you want to do, sit back, and have fun!

What are your house rules?