• Life is tough, get a helmet.
  • If life was a box of chocolates, it’d be pretty empty.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
  • I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
  • Plan ahead: It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark!
  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
  • Life is a bowl full of cherries, but mine only contains the pits.
  • Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  • I’d rather be rich than stupid.
  • Some people have a way with words, while others… erm… thingy.
  • Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
  • I am having an out of money experience.
  • Save time…see it my way.
  • I don’t have a big ego, I’m way too cool for that.
  • Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck, I’ll be at the airport.
  • I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through…
  • Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbours ain’t.
  • I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
  • Wood’s Incomplete Maxims: All’s well that ends. A penny saved is a penny.
  • Don’t leave things unfinishe
  • I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you instead?
  • Don’t judge a book by its movie.
  • If you can’t laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
  • Blessed is he who sits on a pin, for he will rise again.
  • Being superstitious brings bad luck.
  • “Don’t MAKE me come down there” – God
  • ‘God is dead.’ – Nietzsche ‘Nietzsche is dead’ – God
  • If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.
  • Help beautify our dumps. Throw away something pretty.
  • When I die, I want to go like my Grandad, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming and shouting like the passengers in his car.
  • TVs are more interesting then people, if they weren’t then we’d have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
  • All people smile in the same language.
  • Trust takes years to build and only seconds to shatter.
  • Imagination is more important then knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the whole world.
  • When you spend your life worrying about how others feel, you lose track of how you feel.
  • Give a man two fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a life time.

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