• 100% of studies show that if you don’t eat, you’ll get hungry.
  • As I said before, I never repeat myself.
  • Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
  • I’m not completely crazy! Some parts are still missing.
  • Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like nobody’s watching.
  • If you can’t say anything nice…come sit by us.
  • Know what I’m thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn’t it?
  • How to become immortal: Read this again tomorrow and follow its advice.
  • Life is what you make of it…kinda like Play-Doh.
  • Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
  • A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
  • I had a lovely evening. Unfortunately, this wasn’t it.
  • Never say ‘OOPS!’ always say ‘Ah, Interesting!’
  • Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, you’re it.
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • Don’t hate yourself in the morning – sleep till noon.
  • Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  • If too much love will kill you, I’m the healthiest person in the world.
  • A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I’m afraid of widths.
  • Tell your little voices to SHUT UP! I can’t hear mine…
  • Sometimes I think well. And sometimes I think: Oh well…
  • Those are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.
  • Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
  • Dieting: Wishful shrinking.
  • I just got lost in thought… It was unfamiliar territory.
  • I love my work, I could sit and watch it all day long.
  • Some people have a way with words, while others… erm… thingy.
  • I don’t have a big ego, I’m way too cool for that.
  • Si hoc legere scis numium eruditionis habes. – If you can read this, you’re overeducated.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don’t count it.
  • I used to work in an orange juice factory, until I got canned. Yeah, they put the squeeze on me, said I couldn’t concentrate. You know, same old boring rind over and over again.
  • A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.
  • Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
  • This isn’t burger king, you can’t have it your way.
  • It said: ‘Insert disk 3…’ but only 2 fit in the drive.
  • I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
  • I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
  • My mind has always been my Achilles heel.
  • Character is what you are. Reputation is what people THINK you are.
  • Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
  • The secret to finding something is knowing where it is.
  • A Nobel Peace Prize? I would KILL for one of those.
  • Today is the tomorrow you were so worried about yesterday!
  • I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.
  • I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
  • The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
  • If we quit voting will they all go away?
  • I’m not cynical. Just experienced.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • If you can read this, thank a teacher. – Anonymous teacher
  • If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If you broke it, blame the closest person to you.
  • I like nonsense, it awakens the brain cells.

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