The most important rule I live my life by is listed on my Twitter profile:

“Love what you do, and it will love you back.”

It’s not something I came up with myself, but it is something I believe is fundmentally important to life. I don’t believe there is any point in doing anything unless you’re in it 100%.

(Conversely, I should probably add at this point that I have commitment issues in all kinds of ways, but I do try to give everyone and everything they need. I am always invested, and usually too much. Yes, it’s tiring and frustrating and sometimes, especially with certain people, I wonder if it’s really worth it).

There have been times in my life where I’ve been edged into situations where people have made me aware that I’m not following my own rule when I’ve failed to realise it myself. Even when I figure that out in a moment of clarity after the fact, and whatever my relationship is with them, I’m grateful for that. It’s so easy to be close to something that you fail to see the bigger picture.

Another one of my rules is that, if you ask someone for advice, you should probably take it. Several of my friends have made a specific suggestion to me that I’ve shrugged off, mostly because I haven’t really asked for their advice, but partly because I know they’re trying to fix me because they have their own frustrations. It’s so much easier to see other people’s situations and offer suggestions, and that’s one of the reasons why I think it’s wise to usually take advice. I acted on some sensible advice from one of my friends a couple of months ago, and it was definitely the right thing to do. It wasn’t the decision that I wanted to make, but it has made me a lot happier and I’m incredibly grateful now that she could see what I couldn’t.

If someone does something for you, appreciate it for exactly what it is and how much effort they’ve put in. I have always been very clear on the fact that I’m not a victim. I don’t want pity. I am responsible for my own actions and my own happiness, and if you’re not giving me what I need, then I need to find that elsewhere. Like any other human being, I need the appreciation I deserve, and God knows I give a lot of it myself. It is not a one way street.

My problem is that I’m rubbish at taking a step back every so often to figure out what’s happening and how I can change it. I take on far more than I can possibly cope with, take a lot of crap from people (I’m still learning to recognise when it’s inevitable and when I don’t deserve it), and then get pushed to my absolute limit.

When I reach that stage, there’s no going back. Ever. There’s no bitterness, no blame, no threats, no failure to take responsibility on my side – but it’s the end. There’s nothing you can do or say to make me change my mind.

I’m gone.