For the past few weeks, I’ve had pretty much no time off. A huge deadline is looming at work, and on top of that I’ve become a massive sponge for people’s issues. I know that I’m incredibly lucky to work with some of the people I care about most in the world, but in terms of barriers it’s kind of hard. I want to help, but sometimes it gets a little too much.

Especially when it involves non-urgent work-related messages from different people at 11pm, 2am and 5am. Damn you, 24 hour workplace and insomniacs.

Basically, if I’m awake, I’m working. And if I’m not awake, someone will wake me up with work anyway. It’s a good thing I love my job.

99% of it is day job stuff; Joe is currently working on a new site redesign (as am I – very, very slowly) but to be fair to him he’s generally been incredibly good at not talking about it too much and helping me with non-work things that need doing, like cleaning.

Today I woke up on Day 9 of Working 12 Days Straight To Meet Impending Deadline Of Doom. It’s actually a lot harder than I originally thought…not least because my back/shoulder were absolutely killing, I had a sore throat, was exhausted, and generally felt under the weather. Thankfully, the pain has eased off to the extent where I don’t need to bite my lip to stop me yelling in pain or just breaking down in tears. Even though deadline work has occupied my mind – and fingers – almost full time, there are a million other issues creeping in (as always), and the little things continue to pile up. I very nearly threw in the towel altogether when someone asked me today whether they should stay late or not. I have a weird thing about responsibility and feeling incredibly responsible for people, and I find it hard enough to make my own decisions, let alone other people’s. No, I don’t want to help you write your email or tell you what time to leave or manage your project. Do it yourbloodyself!

The weird thing is that the more hands-off I try to be, the more involved I seem to end up getting. I care too much, I want things to be right and people to be happy, and sometimes it just gets too much. I’m the first to admit I do live to work. I love what I do and the perks of my job, I love the people.

I just want to escape sometimes.

Quick summary of ‘life’ stuff:

Joe’s parents came up to visit and we went to Newstead Abbey amongst other things. It was lovely, and definitely a place I want to visit again.

(Check out all the photos on Flickr).

I went to a couple of talks about failed businesses, and that was really interesting. Setting up businesses just to see what happens and not seeing them as lifetime commitments is a whole new concept to me. I learned that I need to be better at failing, because I find it quite hard to let go.

I also went to London for a domainer event thing. It was really interesting and it was great to meet new people and see people I’d met before again, especially Alex. Alex is the only person I’ve ever met who does anything close to my job, albeit in a different industry. Like me, he doesn’t fit neatly into a box and has started calling himself ‘General Web Guy’. I might have to start something like that so that when I’m at an event I don’t get ‘So, you’re a domainer…’, ‘So, you’re a designer…’ etc.

Last weekend was spent at work; I made a crumble to take in and then worked 2pm – 10pm on Saturday. On Sunday I cleaned the house, went to the gym, stopped off at the cake shop to ask about edible printing, and then went home, got changed and headed to work about 3. That was definitely a mistake; by 10pm I could barely keep my eyes open at my desk.

Yesterday I hit my absolute limit and ended up going out for dinner and ice cream to destress. Tonight I was originally planning on going to the gym, but I’m staying late at work instead. Tomorrow I was thinking about booking 1984 theatre tickets, and Thursday is the local programmers’ meet up, but at the moment I’m seriously considering skipping those things. I’m meeting up with some old college friends over the weekend, and I’d quite like to be feeling human for it. Then I need to make various cakes and cupcakes (not completely decided what yet), so that might tip me over the edge.

If I haven’t quite made it over the edge, then the rest of the month includes a live performance of Rocky Horror, dinner with some friends, and then a conference and night out. I’ve also discovered that I’m doing a live Q&A at the event, which is slightly worrying, but I’ll do my best!

Everything else has taken a backseat; I’ve written maybe two blog posts generally in the past few weeks, and it’s killing me not having an outlet. I also want to get on with the site I’m developing, which is going to be a huge project. But for now I’ve realised I need to cut down, not put more pressure on myself (still too late really, but I’m learning)! So, back to work it is…