I don’t know whether it’s longer days, a bit of cold sunshiney weather (my favourite kind), a changed outlook, better eating or something else entirely, but I’ve been feeling pretty good recently. Actually, really good.

This is totally a picture from this time last year – sadly, it’s nowhere near that warm this time round!

I read an interesting little piece on happiness that I totally failed to bookmark, but the gist of it was that achieving things fundamentally makes you happy, and it’s a good idea to focus on those things instead of people and possessions in and of themselves. I’d add experiences to that, but otherwise I think it’s pretty spot on.

I have always been a disgusting overachiever, and once I achieved (pretty much) all my goals, I felt kind of lost. Like, ‘Yeah I could brush up on a few things to improve myself/my life, but meh. It wouldn’t really change that much.’ That was pretty scary, because I’ve always been seriously motivated. I remember having an argument about athletes with one of my university friends once. His argument was that, as an athlete, you only have to be better than the next best person. My argument was that you should be the best you can possibly be regardless of how others perform. If you know you can do better, why wouldn’t you want to achieve your absolute best?

There have been a lot of gaps in my life over the past year, and to be honest I didn’t put much effort into filling them in a way that made me happy. A lot of the choices I made resulted in me being temporarily happy, craving more, and then getting very frustrated and anxious. My outlook has shifted over the past few weeks into being a lot more like the old me (with some minor blips, but that’s to be expected really).

Gym – I renewed my gym membership at the weekend and had the best workout. I went into it with a pretty sensible ‘Don’t give yourself a hard time if it doesn’t go that well, it’s been a long time’ attitude, but I hit all my targets and wanted to stay longer. They painted the walls an amazing deep purple, Madagascar 2 was playing, it was almost empty (it’s the university gym and they’re away for Easter for at least another three weeks), and I got really into the workout. I left feeling elated because I’d achieved something worthwhile, and because I’d pushed myself when I was feeling ill.

Healthy eating – I’ve been reading a lot of healthy living food blogs at the moment, and they’re so upbeat and inspiring it’s infectious. I’ve started increasing the amount of protein I eat and reducing the numbers of carbs, and I feel so good after a well-balanced meal. I love fruit and veg – I usually end up with at least 6 or 7 different varieties in main meals I cook myself – and last night I made stuffed peppers (a variation on this recipe), and there was enough left over for lunch today with a lovely fresh salad. Breakfasts have been coconut Greek yoghurt with honey, strawberries and banana. Even though it’s a smaller bowl than a bowl of cereal, it keeps me satisfied for much longer. It’s great to have an easy breakfast that isn’t carb-heavy when I’m at work. Having said that, if I want to eat something I will – I’m not going to deprive myself, I’m just teaching myself to eat better and enjoy preparing and cooking food more.

Stuffed peppers with Quorn, quinoa and a lot of veg, plus sides of piri piri roasted parsnips and tzatziki. Delicious!

Super-organised: yesterday’s leftovers plus a fresh salad for lunch, and fruit with honey as part of my breakfast.

Courses and events – I’m signing up to at least one local cake/baking course run by a local cake shop as well as a web/product photography course at the university. They’re both only a day, but if they go well I’ll look at doing some longer courses (as always I’m pretty busy, so it’s a case of trying to fit things in with my schedule). I’ve also bookmarked more local geek events to check out, although they seem very heavily coding/programming based at the moment, so I might have to put them on hold for a bit.

With baking and photography in particular, I’m constantly saying, ‘I need to learn more about X, I’ll do that at some point’, and never have the time. If they’re scheduled in and taught by professionals, it’s a win-win situation.

Hopefully I can improve my photography and baking!

The whole work/life balance thing – Over the Easter weekend, I alternated between ‘days off’ and ‘days working’, which worked out really well. Normally by the end of the weekend I’m overexhausted, emotional and generally really stressed out for one reason or another (I am beginning to dislike weekends, which is just weird). I spent some great time with my friends, went shopping, had some meals out, and played some games, but I also finished up a couple of small client tasks, cleaned the house, caught up on laundry, and did various household-y type things. I was left feeling like I’d had fun but achieved a lot, and I didn’t push myself to do things in a specific amount of time or to do more – and it worked out perfectly.

Gaming – I’m terrible at buying games and never finishing them. At the moment I’m really into The Cave, which I’m so happy about – it’s not passive, I’m using my brain to solve the tasks (except when they’re just too hard ;)), and it’s actually helping me maintain my focus. I find it hard to concentrate on stuff or accept feelings of responsibility when I’m feeling low, so I tend to just flake out in front of the TV. Sometimes I give myself a hard time about interests that aren’t productive in some way – even baking and reading are – but I recognise that I need to just do things where I can chill out and not feel like it’s wasted time.

Reading – A huge part of my life that has been put on hold for too long. I got lazy and just read trashy magazines and the occasional chick lit novel. Now I’m working on reading a variety of different things and learning stuff and being inspired at the same time. Fiction is great for just before bedtime (I don’t let myself go on the web/my phone just before any more) because it relaxes me, so at the moment I’m reading the first Game of Thrones novel.

Slots

I am kind of viewing my life in terms of ‘slots’ now. It started off with TV shows, as in, ‘Once we’ve finished watching Revenge, we’ll have a slot free for Game of Thrones‘, and has kind of progressed a lot further outwards across my interests and activities. I think this kind of thinking/acting would be way too regimented for a lot of people, but for me it really helps. It means there’s always a project or a type of event or activity to look forward to, I can plan my time really well, I don’t put unrealistic and unnecessary pressure on myself, and I’m doing things I enjoy.

Sometimes things just take as long as they take, and there’s no need to rush that. It’s also great for ensuring I get the variety I need in my life; I tend to get obsessed with things and then get bored, or stick to doing the same thing because it feels safe or I can’t be bothered. I’m hoping that it will end up a loose schedule where I know I have a particular event or gym session on a specific evening, because that kind of stuff really helps me stay focused – I get really lost without a routine. All the things I’ve added in are things that will help me in some way as well, and things that I have a lot of control over. I don’t have to worry about directly relying on other people for the most part, and that helps my anxiety a lot. I still have a lot of social plans, especially over the next couple of months, but they aren’t the basis for all my free time any more.

Ultimately, I want that happy balance of things, and I know it will take a while to get there but I’m determined to achieve it!