So naturally after I finish seeing my therapist because I’m not insane (apparently. I’m going to use it endlessly in arguments about my sanity regardless, as in, ‘I’m officially not insane, the NHS said so’) and I’m a lot happier, I have a bit of a crash. I was tired, I hadn’t been eating or sleeping particularly well, and I just ended up getting really mad at myself. I hate feeling anxious and rubbish, and I’m sick to death of it. On Friday I felt like I was split in two, with my logical normal side saying, ‘Why are you doing this? STOP BEING SO ANNOYING,’ and the depressive anxious side all, ‘You’re never good enough and you’re just trying to escape the inevitable.’ So Friday night was a bit of a washout due to being an anxious angry mess.

Thankfully Saturday was much better. Even though I ended up going to sleep around 2am and then getting up around 7:45 because we had friends coming over, EARLY (in fact, even earlier than expected so I didn’t get a chance to do much cleaning), it was great to see them and spend time together. Their baby is eighteen months now, so we went out for brunch and then walked to the lake and chilled out at the park and went on the playground stuff and fed the ducks. Their life is so different it’s surreal, but it was fun. I made cupcakes (total of 71 made this week for three different sets of people!), and the most rewarding point of the week was having a small child literally jumping up and down and giggling with excitement for another cake. So cute.

After the park we went to the cinema with another group of friends to see Red 2 (conclusion: pretty good, but still not at Wild Target levels). There was a pub trip after that but I was so exhausted I went home and went to bed played Animal Crossing. I live in incessant fear that the brightly coloured virtual animals will get angry at me for reasons I don’t understand, so I’m spending more time on that game than I probably should at the moment.

Today I woke up with urges of being crazily productive (because of course I’ve learned nothing from these hyperproductive-crash-and-burn cycles). I did some washing up, cleaned the hob, cleaned the living room surfaces, put of a load of laundry and had a breakfast of lemon cake (yay nutritional start to the day), then headed off to the gym. I came back, had a protein shake, showered, changed and then headed out to the pub with Joe for lunch. We turned it into a working lunch and I’ve been going through website links, replying to emails, and writing a couple of blog posts. I feel like the weekend has kind of been balanced with friends/work/house/me stuff in that I have a reasonably clean house, I’ve done much-needed web work and I’ve spent time with people. I’m quite tired and I still need to do a couple of things at home, but I’ve turned the weekend around from the mess on Friday night and that feels pretty good.

I’ve spent a lot more money than anticipated recently. Part of the cooker needed replacing, the roof started leaking, and we ended up with four vets’ trips, so I’m a bit wiped out. Recently I’ve been having periods of exhaustion and physical ‘not quite right’ness, which included an hour of near blindness in my left eye. Slightly worrying but I’m carrying on regardless.

Next week is another busy one – an important work deadline is looming, and I’m determined to get back on track with my own projects as well. There are two networking type events I’m going to on Wednesday and Thursday, so with those and the gym and a potential cinema visit to see Kick Ass 2 I’m going to try and cram the usual Monday evening food shopping into my Monday lunchtime in an effort to free up more time. Combining things is definitely helping (drinks out that are networking or project based, lunches that are combined with meetings etc.). Now all I need to do is convince people they want to have meetings at my gym and I’m sorted ;)