From fourteen to fifteen, I did GCSE psychology. This was the first time I studied the “fight or flight” response in any depth. To keep things simple, they only described it on a basic level, but at the back of my mind now is a third F – “freeze”.

To me, freeze is the emotional shutdown stage. You carry on doing what you’re supposed to do (until you can’t any more or something changes), but as minimally as possible. Fundamentally, you’re subconsciously reacting by not reacting, if that makes sense. You shut down, you’re on autopilot. None of what you do, say or think matters to you.

You don’t feel, because freezing is protective. Freezing helps stop you from hurting any more and helps stop your brain and mind having to deal with anything else on top of what is already overwhelming to the point of dysfunction. It’s a dreamlike state that would be dangerous if it weren’t so exhausting because you’re running on the fewest resources possible. It’s the final step before just giving up and stopping to sit down in the street permanently, like a toy train that stops when the batteries run out.

(Vaguely unrelated luminarium photo; the rest are on Flickr).

Conversely, freezing is also the most relaxed state. There’s no panicking, racing heart, anxiety or adrenaline. In that sense it’s much more of an evolved human reaction or mechanism, as opposed to a primal one. There’s no immediate threat to life; but there is physical and mental recognition that resources need to be conserved. Preparation for future healing needs to take place.

One thing it does actively do is strip you of your humanity, which is both a good and a bad thing. Most people who meet me don’t realise I’m an introvert at heart, and I frequently feel awkward around people. I like my space and my freedom. I get impatient easily. I like to be able to get totally absorbed in what I’m doing. I like to write out my emotions to deal with them. I don’t want to be frozen, but when it happens it’s something of a relief because it’s so hard when your thinking and ideas and musings are never-ending, even asleep.

This blog post was brought to you by accidentally unmedicated Jenni and her current favourite song.