I don’t know if it’s a human thing or a Jenni thing, but I feel like every few years I become a different person. I was reading a book recently that had the theory (science? pseudo science?) that every seven years you become a new person because your cells regenerate. How true that is I don’t know, or really care, but I like the idea of it. I definitely feel like starting a business triggered a completely new phase. I’m definitely not the person I was seven years ago, or five years ago, or even eighteen months ago.
 

Although in many ways I feel that self-employment suits me a lot more, I do still feel “different” to other people (a consistent theme throughout my life). A lot of people in the world I’m in are obsessed with money. The “10k month.” The “six figure business.” The “fake it till you make it” mentality. Even people I didn’t see as money-obsessed at all are underneath. And fiercely competitive.
 

On the contrary, not feeling like it’s all one big competition is something I really love so much about running a business. (I realise that’s a weird thing to say given that it’s in one of the most competitive industries ever, but hear me out). I want to be better than the person I was yesterday, and I want my business to be better than the business it was yesterday. I used to be crazy competitive about everything, even things that didn’t matter, and it’s such a welcome break to not feel like I am/need to be comparing myself to other people. I think it helps that what we’re doing is bringing two (complementary) worlds together, both of which I’ve been involved in, in one way or another, for literally most of my life, but that have always been misunderstood by the other. On the surface, there are plenty of companies who do what we’re doing, but underneath it’s completely different, and it’s going to be even more different in the future.
 

I think the thing that’s set my mindset the most for this phase is my previous experience of working for various incredibly rich and successful people who I’ve never seen obsessed with money. Yes they like nice things and have nice lifestyles, but they’re some of the most down to earth people I’ve ever met (and definitely lower maintenance than I am, already!). At the end of the day, at some level we’re all just human beings wanting very similar things and having similar reactions to the same life experiences of love, loss, and everything in between. But I have a lot of respect for the people who are humble. I read somewhere that money is a byproduct of a successful business, and I think that’s completely true. Of course it’s important, but it’s not the end goal.
 

What is the end goal?
 

For me, it’s freedom.

 
I’ve had a little taste of it, and in a way my freedom mostly comes from doing the work I want to do. Having a purpose. Being able to just go swimming or organise something last minute or just play Overcooked 2 in the middle of the day. I’m even more of a workaholic than I used to be, but very little of it feels like work, because so much of it is talking to people on Facebook, taking photos, writing. All the stuff I love to do and would choose to do anyway.

 
Freedom has also been in very short supply because of having to medicate cats every few hours for several months. It’s not something we’d want to ask anyone else to do, even for a day. So ironically it’s not the money that I’m associating with freedom now, it’s time and location. My life is playing video games, board games, medicating cats, going out for food, occasional theatre/cinema/day trip type stuff. It’s definitely not the photos of me on the beach or standing next to an expensive car or loaded with designer bags. I’d love the beach part, but other than that, that lifestyle is so far removed from my goals it makes me laugh imagining it. I’d much rather be on the beach rescuing a sea turtle or planning a boat trip than lounging.

 
A secondary effect, and one which I didn’t really consider existed, is purpose. That’s something I’ve always struggled with, partly because I question things too much, and partly because I don’t have the innate drive to get married and have kids in the way that most people do. So for ages I struggled with working out what I did want. Eventually I realised I’d been trying to subconsciously suppress it all because I was scared. Being scared of the world was how I was brought up, and I’m still working on being braver. There are some things I was terrified of and pushed through anyway, and there are some things that I didn’t get to overcome, but I will one day. That’s just how it is, and I’m okay with that.

 
So my new mantra is “stay humble.” It’s easy to take things for granted, or make your business about you, or put yourself in the position of telling other people what to do. I’ve realised it’s more important to be grounded and see things from other people’s perspectives. That’s the goal, anyway. Let’s see how it goes!