Last night followed the same pattern as all my nights have this year: me promising myself I’ll go to bed early. And then suddenly, halfway through simultaneously chatting to a friend online, watching Masterchef and reading about geese taking down spaceships, I realised it was pretty much midnight. I got changed and brushed my teeth. I started a new book. I cuddled a cat. But it was still at least half one before I went to sleep, because I was restless.

This is an awkward time of year for me. I’m used to staying up late because it still gets dark early and I lose track of time. But at the same time, my brain wants me to get up when it’s light. I love being organised in the morning. So instead of sleeping in this morning, I got up, showered, fed the cats, made two lunches and a breakfast, put crockery and glasses away, did the washing up, sorted out some new stuff I got for the kitchen, threw some old food out, took photos for this blog post (which I didn’t even use in the end), watered the plants, woke Joe up, and bought another weekly tram ticket.

By the time I got to work I was already a bit tired. But at the same time, strangely refreshed. I wasn’t in a rush, I’d already got into a productive mindset, and I was ready to start the (working) day. But a part of me was still pushing. I still need to go to bed earlier. I still need to wake up earlier.

Why is this relevant? Going to bed early was one of my goals. No, wait – it was one of my Goals.

Last year I bought a Goals book, with the intention of setting and achieving 2-4 personal objectives every month this year. It’s now mid-March, and I haven’t even bothered setting goals for this month.

I’ve failed a lot of goals.

In January, I set four goals that seemed fairly reasonable to me, like lose a couple of pounds and read a few books. (I managed to scrape by on the books one with minutes to spare).

In February, I decided to relax the whole goals idea and go for at least two that would be really easy to achieve and not far out of the realms of what I already do, for example treat my skin once a week (to something pamper-y but not much effort, like a face mask). Nope.

This month, I’ve been so busy that I haven’t even got around to properly reviewing last month’s goals yet, let alone setting new ones. (I skimmed them briefly last night and realised that I hadn’t met them).

I don’t feel as downhearted this month as I did at the beginning of February when I realised I hadn’t met my January goals. Here’s why, what I’m planning to try next, and what I learned from not reaching my goals.

1. Setting more goals is less productive

I realised that I’m splitting my focus too much by trying to incorporate four different goals into my life each month in addition to the tons of stuff I already have on (separate blogging goals, a full time job, social stuff etc.)

This time I’m going to set one overall goal, with related sub goals to get to that point if needed. There are 4 goal slots every month, and I hate leaving blank spaces because to me they scream ‘unfinished’. I need to get over that and concentrate on one good, achievable goal.

2. Physical prompts are important

My Goals book has been sitting on my shelf, and occasionally I’ll remember to get it down and look at it. My goals need to be more visible and easily reviewable, so I think I’ll upload them to Todoist and stick them on physical post-its and keep my book on my bedside table so I have plenty of reminders to check them more regularly.

3. Give up the monthly deadlines

Deadlines are important for setting goals, but they also need to be realistic. Slimming down my goals didn’t work, so now I’m going to try extending the deadlines. There’s a little space to write when I want to achieve the goal by, but so far I’ve just been keeping to the end of the month to simplify things. This clearly isn’t working, so I’m going to put in a reasonable deadline instead of a monthly one. This works really well for my seasonal blogging goals, so it should work here too.

4. Set a goal that means something

Four goals, even easily achievable ones, are just mini distractions from what I actually want to achieve. I have some big goals that I’ve been wanting to complete for 10 years. I still haven’t got any closer at all to achieving them, so I think setting actual small steps to progress towards them will be more motivating than completing small monthly goals that don’t actually mean that much to me.

5. Plan carefully

My Goals book encourages me to think about how I’m going to reach my goals, what’s stopping me and what the reward will be, but I think I need to draft ideas first before writing them in, so I have the opportunity to think through and review.

6. Find out what works

To a large extent, to do lists work better for me than goal setting. I feel like I’ve achieved more, I love ticking things off or marking them as complete, and it’s more psychologically rewarding for me.

When it comes to goals, I need to think bigger picture and make specific distinctions between small every day tasks and long term goals and habits. Even just calling them ‘achievements’ and ‘habits’ will adjust the way I think about them.

7. Set ‘achievements’ and ‘habits’ that are important

When I set February’s goals, I decided to pick things that were simpler and more achievable with the view that I was more likely to get them done. The opposite happened. If it’s a ‘just for fun’ thing then it’s likely that a bigger priority will come along and make it irrelevant, and you’ll also wonder what you’ll get out of achieving it anyway.

8. Credit yourself for what you’ve done that isn’t on the list

All the normal things I do (running a house, looking after five cats, going to industry events), plus fun things, plus my blog, suddenly have less importance when you’re only looking at goals. I need to give myself more credit for the things I’m juggling and doing all the time instead of focusing on what I haven’t done.

On top of that, at practically any given point, I’ve completed a bunch of tasks that aren’t on my Goals list. For example, this weekend I did a huge sort out of the spare room. I threw bags of stuff away, organised things for charity, sorted through clothes, and organised all the ‘just in case’ presents and gift wrap I have on hand into boxes. It was something I’ve been meaning to do for ages and it makes me happy every time I walk past the room, so I want to give myself proper credit for doing that regardless of whether or not it was on a list.

9. Look at any achievements instead of focusing on misses

If I lose 1lb instead of 2, that’s not a goal failed. That’s a step closer to where I want to be. If I’m trying to blog every other day and 4 days pass without a post, it makes no sense to beat myself up about that and forget all the times I have met that goal and all the posts I have written. You can learn from what you have achieved as well as what you haven’t.

10. It’s ok to fail, as long as you don’t give up

The most important thing I learned is that changing something is the first step towards improving it. I could spend the whole year writing goals for myself and failing 70% of them, which seems like a horrible situation to be in. Instead, I’m seeing it as a work in progress. Once I get the balance and focus right, I can make this happen.

Now I’m off to think about my goal for March! Do you have any goals?